Green Fountain

The sago palm in context. I think by the time we come back from France, it will be down like the other fronds. Today it looks like a green fountain.

Taking Responsibility

I have been thinking over my post of Tuesday about painting. There were several things I could have done to make this shipment easier on myself.

My options are below (my excuses are in parentheses)

1. I could have sent it last week (I kept hoping I would finish the other painting I am working on, but that dang shadow looks funny to me), and it would have cost less to ship.
2. I could have packed the painting myself (it is very physically taxing, having to cut boxes down to the right size, etc.) which would have made the package smaller, as I do not use that thick bubble pack. The size is one reason it was so expensive to ship.
3. I could have kept trying to find a local gallery, and I am planning to pursue this in the future.
4. I could have gotten the estimate the UPS woman offered me on shipping costs, and altered the type of packing they were using.

Rather than blaming UPS, the gas companies, the Iraq War, and of course, GW Bush, I could be doing something to help myself.

Messenger from the Blessed Animals of the Earth

In the process of my daily healing meditation, I bless all the animals of the planet. Right after I did that today, I heard a noise against the window behind me. I turned and it was a bluejay. It felt like he/she was confirming that the animals had received my blessing.

Last year, my husband and I had a bluejay trapped in our garage, too exhausted and confused to fly back out the door. It kept trying to fly upward, where there is a vent in the roof, but the vent is too small for a bird to fly out of. We wet the bird down as gently as we could with our hose, and finally captured it in a towel and released it outside.

Also, at the burial of Frankie, my mother-in-law, there was a bluejay right next to us with its cockade folded back, observing who attended. We always thought it was a messenger from Frankie, who was always curious about who attended church, and even sat in the back to make sure she saw who was there!

Photo from the Humane Society of Canada

Sago Palm Progress

Only two days later, and the leaves are much wider, unfurled, and spreading out. I had to step back a bit to take it all in, so it may not look terribly much larger in relation to the picture frame, but it is amazing. I watered yesterday, and it rained last night -- cooling rain. Today it is cool and cloudy. All the plants are sighing happily.

Self-Delusion Thy Name is Painting

I have tried for many many years to make and sell paintings that I hoped made people feel good. I have painted hundreds and hundreds of paintings. Most years I have broken even, financially, whether I painted a lot or a little. Many years ago I felt I could have the money, or the time, to paint, but never both at the same time. Now I have both time and money, but cannot sell my work, and when I do sell it, I cannot make any money.

I underpriced my work in hopes of getting "known". Not only did I not make money on it, it was an expensive habit.

I am thinking I was an idiot ever to become a painter. If it were not for my husband, I could not afford to paint much at all. Plus, it takes tremendous emotional and spiritual effort to do this sort of work, and people feel they can freely criticize an artist's work as if it were not coming from the heart and soul.

My heart is breaking today. I deluded myself into thinking I could continue doing as I have been for years, painting and shipping and having a few sales. That is a foolish notion.

I am probably never going to be terribly well-known. My website has never sold even ONE painting. All my efforts in going to art fairs resulted in me spending more money than I ever took in. Besides that, I was out in the weather, having to pay for food and water, with porta-johns and no place to wash my hands.

It is harder to paint every year, because it is so discouraging. I take photos, do sketches, buy materials, do paintings, make slides, send out slides, ship paintings to galleries, and when they sell I get half of the selling price. I sent out slides for years, and found only a few galleries were interested in my work. It is not "cutting edge", but it is not "commercial" either. Well what IS it then?

Friends urge me to paint. Why should I? Give me one good reason. I need to make a living too. See post below for precipitating event for this existential crisis.

Shipping Eats ElleCoyote's Lunch

I just shipped this painting, framed, via UPS, for over $200, to the gallery in NY State. It has to be there by Friday. If it could have arrived on Monday, the price would have been $128, which still is more than twice what I used to pay.

The situation for artists is pretty grim. Most galleries take 50% of the selling price, and the artists pay for the shipping both ways, the framing, the materials, and ... well, after that, there is usually nothing left for labor. In fact, I am paying to ATTEMPT to sell this thing. I guess when it cost $50 for shipping, I could justify it, but now I wonder if this is a form of insanity.

Art buyers have the belief that art is overpriced because the artists are egotistical and think they are above the buyer. That is simply a myth. Galleries have overhead, so they need part of the price, and artists have all the costs of production, framing and shipping. If it does not sell, the artist pays to ship it back home (bad painting! go lie down!). Dismal.

St. Brigid's Flame

Turns out my yoga teacher is multi-talented, and plays music with a band called St. Brigid's Flame! I know this only because I looked her up on Google, and saw the picture, which must be her. How could there be two Constance Bradens in Houston who have long blonde hair and a long oval face? Check out the site, if you like Celtic music.

Sago Palm 2

OK it IS a lot bigger today, and it is starting to spread out. The remains of the flower thingie are at the base, along with a lot of dead leaves.